stateside

If you were wondering about my month long neglect of both blog and newsletter, I’ve been back in the country for a little over three weeks.

Want to hear about that last month and the absolute craziness that went down? Call me or email me at jhfizzle@gmail.com.

guaguas

…this one is waaaay overdue.

ever take a city bus? ever have an especially hairy taxi ride? those experiences you just thought of in that instant? they would pale in the face of public transport in the Dominican Republic…like a tranquil newborn to the same kid, spoiled rotten, five years later…they just aren’t the same kid even to the stressed and sleep deprived mother.

so heres how you do it. you find a well traveled street and stick out the sign for where you want to go (or the general direction you want to go). this means a thumb for somewhere on Churchill (yeah, theres a few highways named for US presidents here…i guess they ran out of their own good ones??). a pointer finger pointed out for Nueve (9–the name of the most traveled bus stop in the north west section of the city).
and an index finger down for L.A. (Los Alcarrizos, where I live). I love the fact that there are even signs for different areas of the city. It speaks to the development of a signage system amongst the population in place of the government providing a system.

alright, assuming you’re on the right bus now, find a decent seat (not in the back and not in the middle and not with the mother of five, but its really a mute point because inevitably you will get sandwiched in wherever you are) and don’t fall asleep. I say don’t fall asleep because once you get going it can actually be a long and boring ride once you get used to it and I’ve already had one cell phone taken out of my pocket when I was wide awake and standing up (I actually fell asleep today on the way back from the city, but God had mercy on me and kept the slight of hand away). now, the idea is to mind your own business and try not to think anything is too odd and stare. thats right, don’t stare at the lady who just got on with a 50 lb sack of rice or the sunglasses vendor who brought all of his wares with him and are now jabbing you in the ear on certain bumps. just be ready for the ‘cobrador’ who somehow navigated his way back to you in the bowls of the ‘cocina’ (the back of the bus is called the ‘kitchen’ because its always the hottest part and you usually end up sitting 6 or 7 across like upright sardines) while the driver had fun slaloming through the two lane side streets at top speed (yes, i’ve been in three guagua wrecks by the way) and expects you to be able to reach your fare in a second…that you forgot to get out before you succumbed to the depths of the guagua. so now that you’ve become that awkward foreigner who made everyone else around you uncomfortable for having to dive for your money, you shout at the top of your lungs for the circus to stop at least a quarter mile before your stop and hope that someone passes the message to the driver because you’re sure that no one beyond that wailing child five seats in front of you actually heard. the guagua comes to a rolling stop and you squirm, dance, and squeeze your way passed the family of five, passed the lady and her 50 lb sack of rice, passed the sunglasses vendor and his goods, and passed the other 30 people who somehow found a way onto this rolling zoo and emerge with at least half of your wits and a full breath of fresh air as you hit the ground running (literally).

…then you find the first moto friend of yours and pay the darn 20 pesos just for him to take you the last mile home (thats just as much as you just payed to get halfway across the city with a guagua) instead of walking because you feel like in some way, you’ve earned it.

vino, vive, vendré

i’ve been busy…and i promise i haven’t just been sitting around thinking of silly things i’ve heard since i’ve been here. right now i’m working on wrapping everything up and writing it all down in a final report. i’ve been having an interesting time trying to figure out how to say some difficult things at the end of my time here, so it has been a little slow. i was sick last weekend, but with my tenure in the dominican health centers here, i pretty much factor in a couple days every few weeks to be spent at one of those fine establishments. ha, that would be an interesting blog. maybe when i get some time or am bored out of my gourd from writing this huge report. i’ve had to pass up several inspiring ideas lately for interest of time…or lack there of. i’ve got…..16 days left in the DR and i’ve got a tidy bit of work to do before i’m aloud to leave. pray please. and pray for my health that it holds up. i’m not sure what kind of scrap of an immune system i have left after a summer like this. but it has all been worth it ten-fold and thanks be to God for teaching me all those things that lay so far outside of what i’m ‘actually doing here’ that its a stretch to think about. alright. back to writing.

hmmm…

i should write an update for the month of september buuut…i rather feel like writing a list of the odd things that i’ve learned since i’ve arrived. buen provecho:

from carlos, my translator

* American money bills are a prophecy to several events in our nations history (ie: folding into the two towers & such…)
* you only need 100 verbs to be fluent in a language
* 80’s hip hop rap is were its at if you live in the D
* having ducks for actual pets does not just happen on “Friends”

from my host family, the Almontes

* you only need two things in life to survive and prosper; rice and beans
* ‘mangu’ should be served in every five star restaurant around the world
* “morir soñando” is a drink, a peaceful death, and a dog sleeping under your car :)
* “policia acostado” are speed bumps
* Americans like to walk a lot
* Barack Obama will be assassinated if elected even though they would all vote for him if they could

from the culture

* if you want to survive a ride public transport…don’t sit in the back, always pay the exact fare, and shout at the top of your lungs at least 100yds to a half mile before you actually want to get off
* don’t trust everything you hear or all the advice people want to give you…no one wants to be the one to say the fatal words, “I don’t know”
* americans can dress however they want, but they’re still american, so it doesn’t matter.
* siestas aren’t just cultural, they’re practical. you’re nuts if you’re out walking at midday. and i’m usually regarded as a little crazy.
* noise/music/loud-tv to Dominicans is like a lantern to a legion of flies.
* every day is a reason to party
* telanovelas are so nauseatingly repetitive and blatantly obvious for a reason…with a short attention span and with so much going on around the TV, its lucky that anyone even catches the show.
* if the lights are on, so is the TV
* like american college students…strong coffee is the key to not sleeping much (literally, like oil)

More pending…

promised report

i have just finished the final of my last report. i thought it was interesting when i read through it this last time and realized how little it actually says. haha. its amazing what you can do with five pages of nothing when ‘nothing’ says something. nuf with the play on werds. here we go

Reporting Assignment: Four Relationships – God, Self, Others & Environment.

This report is an examination of the holistic development and learning that has taken place in the personal lives of clients of Esperanza International in the Los Alcarrizos area. The conclusions drawn here are in no way conclusive as they are drawn from conversations with only five different clients and a smattering of other small influences.
In these cursory findings, I have found the people of La Lechería to be holistically impacted by Esperanza in very limited ways. The people in all of the communities I have interviewed (even outside of my research spectrum) have exhibited strong community ties that exist naturally and outside of Esperanza. When it has come to Esperanza’s principles of solidarity and faith-based values, I have seen very little actual impact and learning. This is not to say that the people don’t value the services of Esperanza. They do, or they would not continue to attend and submit to the process that it takes to receive loans from Esperanza. I have also found that people are very kind with their words towards Esperanza and what they have done for them, but it has been difficult to pinpoint in just what ways the people have actually been impacted or learned about God, themselves, others or creation and what actual differences have occurred in their lives as a direct result of their participation in Esperanza.
Teresa, a client of one year who has taken four loans says, “Esperanza brought me out of a very difficult situation.” Yet when I asked what it was like before, she gave me the example, “Now I don’t have to go to my husband to ask him for 100 pesos or whatever.” I pressed to get her to qualify what had changed by asking if she was able to still have all of these things that are in her house before such as a car, a blender, and a stereo, she simply said “sí.” In a later conversation, she revealed that her husband had bought those things, but as in many cases the loan is nominally made to the client but the client’s intentions are more as a help to the whole household, it would seem that the mere presence of those objects in her house is indicative of some excess capital in the household (or money spent badly). It seems that the most important thing to her that she has gained from Esperanza was her own little bit of independence and empowerment through having her own income and contribution to the household. While she couldn’t give any relevant answers to anything she has learned about God, herself, others, or creation, it is obvious in the value of her independence that she has become aware that she can do something with her time and talents to make money as well, as she expressed in one of our interviews. The “can” is crucial here because I believe it is similar to what I have found in many other cases.
Another woman who has shown a demonstrative display of self-sufficiency and empowerment is Luciana. She is the principle leader for Esperanza of the La Lechería community, and she is also the church secretary at the church where the Esperanza groups meet. Luciana says that she brought Esperanza to her community. She tells me that a man came and found her one day working at her stand and asked her if she would like to be a part of a group that would be able to receive loans. It seems that although she did not go looking for Esperanza to help her community as one might think of such a community leader, she does take much of her time corralling the clients of the community for meetings and addressing issues between clients. It is not evident that she has learned anything pertaining to her relationships with God, others, her environment, or herself directly from her involvement from Esperanza, but it is possible, as it is difficult sometimes for people to remember what things were like in the past. Luciana does, however, say that she has learned a lot from her involvement with Esperanza. She became a Christian seven years ago, and when I asked her what she has learned in the last two years of her involvement with Esperanza, she said that she has learned to be quieter and more content with God. When asked how, Luciana replied plainly that the previous assessor had taken pains to make sure that Luciana was invited to nearly every single meeting in her community when, at first, she was a member of Esperanza but in another area. This effort and the assessor’s care for her, she said, touched her.
Self-sufficiency is especially seen in those who have risen to the level of qualifying for their own personal loans. In Esperanza, clients qualify for personal specialized loans after a series of other smaller loans that have displayed their reliability as “good payers” as they call themselves and often coupled with, as in the two following cases, their original group faulting on their loans or generally falling apart Generally, these clients speak with authority and exude a confidence much more so than other clients or non-clients. Though I cannot say whether it is this confident personality trait that has driven these clients to rise in their business dealings, or it truly has been an effect of Esperanza.
Mimosa is an example of one of these women. She has been a very hard worker all of her life trying to provide for her family for as she says of her husband, “he has his money and I have mine…I don’t need him.” Mimosa has a little grocery store and seems to be doing very well for herself as far as the standards for doing well in that community go. When asked what Mimosa defined as living well in that community meant she answered rather simply, “to have a place to sleep, food to eat, and a job.” She has all three, and is visibly more comfortable than those around her. Not only this, but her family also seems to be able to eat very well as they are all well overweight and quite content with their diet. Each time I am over there she is usually preparing some other meal that would be considered well out of the expense range for anyone else in the community (such as meatballs with real beef). Mimosa is a business woman through and through, and when she isn’t doing business, she is doing something else to support her family such as washing clothes or cleaning. I have have hardly ever seen her sit still from her tasks for more than ten minutes at a piece, given evidence by her incessant sweating from her toil. It seems that Esperanza has empowered an already hard working woman to work even harder and reap the benefits of that work. Though when I ask her questions about what she has learned from her involvement with Esperanza, she states rather emphatically that she has learned that she can only rely upon herself as she was in a bad group before and now receives loans on better fitting terms for her business personally.
Santos is a client similar to Mimosa. He also owns a little grocery store that is doing very well. He is actually currently opening another store in another neighborhood. Santos receives personal loans as a part of the little trio “group” with two other women who are doing the same (one is Mimosa). When I talked to Santos about what it is that he has learned from his experience with Esperanza pertaining to those four relationships, he could not say anything in particular, though like most Dominicans he felt obliged to give me some kind of answer anyway which is how I learned that he does not go to church but receives some evangelistic literature via post once a month and said that he goes through that with vigor when he gets them. I asked him about his reading the Bible and his prayer life and he said that he does both before he opens the shop every morning. At least he is relying upon God for his business even if we can’t attribute it to Esperanza.
Finally, we come to Celanda who lives in a house on my street. She has lived in this community for many years, but was given the opportunity by Esperanza to invest into making the front of her house a little grocery store. She too expressed a sense of self-sufficiency now but was able to attribute it directly to her experience from Esperanza. “I can handle myself with people now.” She also expressed a great deal of gratitude to Ana Maria, who was the last assessor for this area before Carmen, and attributed Ana Maria to her growth spiritually and relationally.
I have found the clients of Esperanza that I interviewed for this paper most willing to express their views and opinions which leads me to a certain degree of skepticism on how true their opinions and views really are. Of the five clients included in this paper, all five have expressed self-sufficiency as something they have learned about themselves and three out of those expressed additionally that they were now able to “handle themselves” with people now as opposed to before (meaning the confidence and ability to manage other people, groups and strangers better than before). In every case, clients seemed to have grown spiritually and relationally though some were not willing/able to recognize this effect on their lives. I believe that any visible changes or effects of Esperanza in their relationships with God, others, themselves, and the environment still lay hidden, and I was unable to extract any robust responses in any of these areas except a profound self-sufficiency (that may still be attributable to a personality strength rather than a true effect of Esperanza). However it is evident that God is at work in this community through and with Esperanza International.

well….if you actually made it this far i will tell you that my professor’s reaction was what I was hoping for. i was trying to say that there wasn’t any measurable impact of Esperanza International pertaining to the topic of the paper but that there was a lot of individual empowerment and personal confidence built up (and implicitly saying that while good…its not good that it is the only impact and that it is overloading the scales of development here). confusing enough? thanks for joining.

rising to failure

i mentioned in a previous post that i was not above bribing people with food to show up to answer my questions. wellll… its funny sometimes to see the ways that God sees fit to humble us. let me tell you a little about my weekend.

last week i had the bright idea to invite all the members of Esperanza (the organization that is a part of my impact research here) in on of the communities. i had been brainstorming for a couple of weeks on how to get to those unreached people that i just couldn’t seem to find, that were on paper, members of the organization. *light bulb* one day as my translator and i were sitting out the heat of the day comfortably in the shade in the park of La Lecheria, “Carlos, what would you think if i had some sort of meal that i made into some sort of community activity amongst the Esperanza members here?…” he responded, “what for?” i explained, “well you know how i’ve been having a hard time finding some of the members? i think this could pull them out of the woodworks…” Carlos, “yeah, that could work. you’re starting to think like a dominican jason…with your stomach.” the seed was set and plans were coordinated. invitations handed out with names. special visits made to try to incite some more interest in coming. plans were made for the following Sunday (the day most people have free from work and such).

Luciana on the left, Esperanza member that actually came on the right.

wednsday, thursday and friday i spent making preparations and talking to who i could find. saturday was a big unexpected pay-off. that day alone, i was able to make four structured interviews (ranging from 30-45 min a piece), a couple of very fruitful other general interviews and had a researcher’s high at the end of the day for my good fortune, thanking God for the unexpected miracle of having so many interviews in one day. i even had time to go to the store and buy food for the event the next day. i was unstoppable.

the next day started forbodingly as Benjamin and i searched with difficulty for 5 lbs of pork to make the locriole dish complete. it was found along with the water i was lacking and i was late to church, but it was all there in my giant backpack as i took my seat in the back (as usual promptly moved to the front, but thank the Lord i wasn’t asked to sing anything in spanish or creole this time and only had to stand, read and explain to the congregation a certain Bible verse–yeppee…).

how did it go? on one hand… a absolute failure. complete with sending the gringo around town for a little more rice, a little more chicken (really just trying to fatten the amount of food i was providing). tit for tat, i ended up spending twice what i intended and i felt handled. but i held my countenance and waited to see if anyone would show up. five men, two women. there is a very strongly supported theory in the world of microfinance that loans to women are more positive for actual development of the communities and families’ well being and even loan rates. for this reason, Esperanza and organizations like here commonly make a practice of lending primarily to women if not entirely. there are five men in the whole of the La Lecheria community who are a part of Esperanza. my mistake. lunchtime is when all of the women are at home making food for the rest of their families. while the men have hardly any responsibility on Sundays. culture check. some women ended up coming later to where i had at least a majority of the members of the area show up to at least get a plate of food, but they did little more than just that. get a plate of food and leave.

i said it was a failure on ‘one hand.’ on the other, i was actually able to talk to and schedule interviews with some of the people that i had not previously been able to find and thus…my initial personal interest in having the meal was partially fulfilled, but i was still a little remorse.

i went home and convalesced in front of the tube for have a Steven Seagal movie (along with Chuck Norris, pretty much the biggest thing here), left my pride laying there wrung out on the ground and set forth back down to the community to get at least one interview, not be defeated for the day.

i’ll go down fighting!

i realize that at least one of the lessons here was to realize that i am not in control, even when it seems things are going my way. the line that i heard somewhere in the last two weeks, “control is an illusion” haunted me that night and when i opened my Rock Creek Fellowship newsletter on Tuesday, I found this quote from C. S. Lewis as the meditation for the week. talk about a wake up call. I believe we can see the control issues that this is speaking to as well, for it did for me.

“The sense of ownership in general is always to be encouraged. The humans are always putting up claims to ownership which found equally funny in heaven and in hell, and we must keep them doing so. …and all the time the joke is that the word ‘mine’ in its fully possessive sense cannot be uttered by a human being about anything. In the long run, either our father or the enemy will say ‘mine’ of each thing that exists, and specially, of each man. They will find out in the end, never fear, to whom their time, their souls, and their bodies really belong– certainly not to them, whatever happens. At present, the enemy (God) says ‘mine’ of everything on the pedantic, legalistic ground that he made it. Our father (Satan) hopes in the end to say ‘mine’ on all things on the more realistic and dynamic ground of conquest.”

~C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters
Advice from a Senior devil to a Junior devil on how to trip up a new Christian in his allegiance to Christ.

good tidings

i got grrreat feedback on one of my reports today! its encouraging when you get a glimpse of some way that your work might actually have something helpful and relevant to say. I’ll have to write about the actual report soon…or just post the whole thing. the funny thing was that it was a draft that was so well received…thanks God for using my foolishness to show me that my work here really does matter. wow. k, gotta get some sleep now.

the world on a receipt

i realize this might be a hypocritical post when i plan on bribing community members this weekend with food, but we’ll put that aside for a moment. i wanted to write this for a while.

so there you have it. our world. officially in a shopping cart. is this what we’ve really come to? it makes me sort of sympathize with the odd and slightly disturbing youtube video that i ran across last week. i saw this billboard on my way to a coffee shop in a town that any chattanoogan or austinite would be at a loss for the lack of java joints. i actually stopped on the sidewalk and put my bag down to take this picture and laugh for a moment. its not like this is a new idea. a totally materialistic, capitalistic society. we are aware this. its just not often that we get to see it in such a self deprecating way. its like consumerism making fun of itself. but really! this makes me wonder what the advertising developers were thinking…(btw, banco vimencia is really the same company as western union so we’re not dealing with some po’dunk company with a shortage funds to buy creativity). maybe people do want to feel like it is in the realm of possibility to buy everything they could ever want or need and this is now the picture of satisfaction. they should have just made a globe of paper mache with cash-money and taken a picture. but i guess the shopping cart was a little cheaper…

lets bring it back to the context for a second. i would say that the people i interact with are poorer than i have ever worked/lived with. but their attitude towards material things often seems to inhibit them from raising themselves out of a fragile situation. everything american and english is coveted and revered. its a materialism that tastes imported, but worse. the t-shirts people buy as their “american goods” are ubsurd things like old cub scout uniforms worn by old men and girls walking down the street with a “I’m Looking For a Kiss or a ****”, and when i ask them if they know what it says, they often have no idea (and i just pretend not to be able to translate some or most of it…).

its a culture of materialism directly imported from the U.S. that i am terribly ashamed of. is this is the effect we have on people in developing countries? my friends who have been to africa would say yes. in countless situations, i have encountered people simply looking for a way to get something out of me because i am white and american. this makes interviews or attending church hard sometimes. i have been incredibly blessed to see contentment in the eyes of many here, but that has also come with a envious hunger in the eyes of others. two extremes. very sad.

some of us have a lot, most have much less. no matter what you have. take a moment and practice being content with what you have right now. take a break from your venti triple shot caramel macchiato from starbucks and just make a cup of grocery store coffee. it’ll help.

(if you were curious i still went to the coffee shop, fairly free of materialistic angst, rationalizing that i was just going there to have a place to work because the Santo Domingo library is under construction. btw, coffee shops are normally my bane back in the states, so i’m talking to myself as well)

running in the rain

i’ve learned one or two things about myself since coming here to the dominican republic. one of them is that i like running in the rain. it is hurricane season right now and september is the worst, so we’re in no shortage of falling water. i went for one of these runs today to the shouts of “TU ERES LOCO!” from my dominican brothers and a very puzzled look on my host mom’s face. i went toward civilization today (yes, i have that choice, its nice). people shouted from the shops and colmados on the way, but mostly they just stared at the crazy gringo running in the rain. i just kept running and running and after a while i had an inexplicable grin on my face as i went. i think it was because the wind picked up and the storm got stronger and by this point i was almost running in a river that was cascading down the hill i climbed. God is so powerful. i love displays of nature that exhibit just a snatch of what he is capable of. i passed the main business district of my area on my return trip and a friend on a moto offered me a ride. i just smiled and kept running. he laughed. as i came to the end of my street, i saw there were kids playing in the road. this reminded me of growing up on Royal Birkdale Overlook (my street in austin). as i came near, a couple of them, dressed only in their underwear, made ready to race me to the corner where i always finish my run with a last sprint. it was a good day. Thank you Lord for these experiences. as i came back to the house to stretch, i stood on one leg and looked at the trees as they swayed. what can man do to make all the trees sway at once like that? a bomb? dropping a  large tractor from the sky in a forest? God has the wind and the rain. God is so creative.

(i’m posting this on the suggestion of a friend)

(9 6 2008)

FURMAN FREE PRESS – UNPUBLISHED
“You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy”
(Psalm 30:11)
I can’t possibly explain the significance of this verse to my last month here in whole, but I shall make a feeble attempt. We had three hurricanes during August, I caught Dengue Fever, and I have had to daily submit myself to the Lord to even have the drive and motivation to sustain me in my time here (even when I wasn’t feeling it…for if I didn’t, it was like night and day). I have learned much, but I have even more to learn. Even though the month was crazy at times and chaotic at others, I am still here. God has shown his never-ending faithfulness and love in sustaining me here alone, though I am a doubting Thomas many times over. Not to mention that my research has actually come along quite far during all of this.
The simple, yet profound lessons keep on coming. As an American and native Texan, I often think that I can do things on my own and in many cases, I can. I’m not one for study groups because nothing gets done often, I don’t like living spaces that are crammed or have too many people, I love people but I often need a little space, I consider myself social but too much is too much. These were my thoughts more or less for the last few years. What has God done with these petty predispositions and preferences? Tossed them into the wind. And then some. If you’re from Covenant, then you know that I have moved around campus, almost nomadically, since my arrival in the search for a better place to live with the right ratio of space/people/friends. These last years at Covenant only prepared me for my time here in the most necessary ways. Here in the Dominican Republic I am living in a house of 9 that fluctuates (I say this because cousins and friends are always coming and going). I’m working in a community where I must watch my every word and action to portray the image and example that I should (not that I’m being fake, that is different). And I’m doing some grassroots research that entirely depends on my ability to either find or form networks of people in a culture that would rather have nothing to do with anything that even smells like structure. I love people, don’t get me wrong. I think what I am saying is that no number of cross-cultural classes could actually prepare one for what it is like working and trying to be productive on an American scale in a Dominican context.